I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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