i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
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It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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