What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
