Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
