we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
