I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
