You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
