i jhust puked up my retainher.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
