drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
