yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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