Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
