mondays should just be called national damage control day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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