i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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