Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
