Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
