whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
two words: eviction party
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
