Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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