i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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