On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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