So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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