yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
