so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
