I think I died a long time ago.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
