he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
