If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
