Someone shit on the floor
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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