wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
