JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
