So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
