Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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