HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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