please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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