farters have to be the big spoon...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
