i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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