Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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