at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
