My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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