oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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