The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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