I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
