dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
