I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We are all done wearing pants today
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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