I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You may now shotgun with the bride
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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