I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
