i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
