Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
