I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
