I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
