Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
