We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
