Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
