i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
