I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
