I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
