Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
