Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
