He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
