Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
