Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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