R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
