Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
