Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
