Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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