yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
