So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
