We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
