i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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