she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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