I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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