i permit you to call me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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