First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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